‘Fear’ drives me at work. I am not sure.
I’m usually (not always) driven at work because I want to be the best at what I do. Most days at work, I want to provide value to my team and help my company succeed.
When at work, I seek purpose and target to make some progress on each of my priorities. But, dependence on my team makes me feel constrained. Nothing new. Most of us feel the same way. Isn’t it?
Who is not driven by a sense of purpose and rationality?. I doubt it does in my case.
I believe I am too special to be interpreted as a category of humans by the Behavioral scientists in their samples for research.
At the very best, I am tactically-creative at work with a flip side of missing out on the ‘big picture’ while swamped with pending tasks.
I believe I fear criticism. Criticism of not doing, not making it happen, not doing enough.
When I am executing a project assigned to me, I have my independent opinion about how to go about. But how many of us are allowed to fail and learn at work. Most of the times, it is like, “We have seen it in the past, it failed”.
I reason within, to myself, may be the rigour was missing in others. Why something so obvious as a solution failed?
Whether it is personal or professional life, I fear criticism. I am ready to accommodate and agree if someone is convinced that her way as the most logical and obvious one.
I will say, ‘yes’. But, if it turns out to be wrong, I am very upset and critical. And most of it is self-criticism, since I agreed to do something that I did not feel was the right thing to do.
As a child, I was termed as kid who is mature and understanding, way beyond what is expected from other kids of my age. Maybe this makes me too sensitive to any criticism.
Why do I still remember when I failed in a maths exam in class 5? Why was I crying hard?
Everyone till date says, “I can do better.” No one said, “I am bad.” If they ever did speak truth, atleast when I was a kid, fear may not have stayed with me for so long. A fear of failing to living upto expectations.